Aliens in Blackpool

 by Ailsa Osborne

Next on BBC North we have our nightly News report at Ten.
Here with the latest update on the strange happenings that are being spoken off in Blackpool tonight is Jennifer Dove.

“More residents are maintaining sightings of laser beams which appear to be coming from the top of the famous Tower,” she reported. “Many say that the lights are green but some earlier sightings are said to be yellow.” She turned and smiled reassuringly at the camera. “I have been unable to get an update on the number of admissions to the Victoria Hospital tonight, but an inside member of staff, who does not wish to be named,  has said that there are far more than usual for a Saturday night.” In her opinion Jennifer felt that most of the people sat in the triage waiting room where simply drunk and were scrounging a bed for the night.
“Over next” said the presenter hurriedly, “to our Technical news reporter Rupert McCleod. . . .”

Nothing happened, the screens remained blue and no sound was forthcoming.
“A slight, erm, technical hitch I think there” the presenter stuttered, desperately wanting to sound professional and composed.

“We shall go instead over to Detective Chief Inspector Bernard Briggs, who is based at the Bonnie Street Police station in the shadow of the Tower.
“DCI Briggs, what can you tell us about events over the last few hours?”
“My officers’ report over forty people in the area have been into the station with conflicting information. It would appear that additional laser beams are being noticed above the Tower where usually white beams shoot up into the sky but tonight green and yellow ones have been sighted.”  The Officer looked a little bewildered and confused.
“These beams are instead apparently shining down onto the promenade between Church street and the North pier. Also some residents have mentioned beams on Central Drive, but that has not been substantiated as yet” he hurriedly added, averting his eyes from the camera.

Rupert McCleod added quickly, ”We have spoken to Fred Harvey who co-ordinates the famous Blackpool Illuminations and he has stated that to the best of his knowledge there should only be white lasers going upward into the sky, lighting the darkness above the Tower.”

“Councillor Simon Blackburn, leader of the Council, refused an interview at first but read out this statement a few minutes ago.” Rupert continued.
“It is my considered opinion that the people who have made these reports have all been visiting the many hostelries along Talbot Road and the Promenade. I feel that large quantities of alcohol have been consumed during the time leading to these allegations which may have contributed to these alleged ‘sightings’ tonight”
Rupert interrupted him quickly, “Each person interviewed maintains having seen either green or yellow sparkly lights Councillor, could you be mistaken perhaps?”
“No, not at all, Rupert. Blackpool is a safe place for families to come” the Councillor maintained, “Now I must go, goodnight, sleep well. There is nothing to worry about at all.”

Hundreds of feet above them they were unaware of the Aliens as they compared notes.

“I think planet Earth is not a good place for us to visit this summer” claimed the Captain to his Head Office.  “Everyone is drunk and wearing inappropriate clothes which they tend to lose as they walk along. The weather there was very cold compared to Mars and yet we saw both males and females wandering around topless! We also saw males dressed as females, and vice versa .The language was very limited, most words began with ‘F’

“I think you may well be right, get yourselves back home quickly in case you get contaminated!”