Bacteria Hotspots

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

by Pamela Winning


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Buffet

by Anne Ward



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Aliens in Blackpool

by Alan Wilkinson


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Prince Charming to Wed

Monday, 11 March 2013


 by Alan Wilkinson

A delighted but exhausted Prince announced that after a nationwide search he has found –his `Runaway Midnight Princess `and they are to wed on Midsummers Eve

The mystery girl who goes by the name Cinderella, Ironically lived just half a mile from the palace in the house of two courtiers.
Cinders had appeared unknown at his coming of age ball and swept him off his feet then a sudden dramatic end to their dancing at the chimes of midnight she…
“She fled the palace, as if pursued by Hounds of Hell “ said a watching servant  “She flew down the golden staircase, one of her dazzling glass shoes came off, she tottered regained her balance-she was lucky she didn’t break her neck, then she took off the other shoe ran to that  coach”
“I swear the slipper only had room for three toes, like no foot I’ve ever seen” said the Prince of Ruritania, who had been walking down the staircase and had nearly been sent flying.
Outside the Golden bejewelled coach was seen to visibly shimmer as Cinderella jumped in, then the horses whinnied in unison as if saying Hurry Cinderella. The coach then disappeared into the night, leaving a palpable emptiness and silence in its wake
The stunned Prince was desperate to find the woman who he was sure was the love of his life. He was half crazy wondering why she had run out on him
During the days that followed the Prince’s sent messenger to comb his kingdom, looking for the owner of the unique slipper. He would marry the person it fitted
Finally she has been found. She was the half-sister of two courtiers-her parents dead she had recently come to stay. Cinders had been found when the sisters tried on the shoe. The sisters- who had been trying they said to educate her in cooking cleaning running a house, the beginnings of estate management.
They had not taken her to the ball for her own good –she had seemed simple and tongue-tied, too shy for such a big social event.
The sisters remarked they had not recognised her at the ball. So they had not suggested her to the Princess messengers her as a possible fit for the shoe
A story persisted around the village  of a fantastical carriage that suddenly appeared outside Cinderella’s  kitchen – her ravishing bejewelled dress –but how could that be- asked others because she was apparently just a poor servant girl who had nothing.
But now  the wedding of Cinderella to Prince Charming approaches The soon to be queen is surrounded by  myths – giving the forthcoming wedding  a magical glow-to almost rival master Shakespeare Midsummer Night’s Dream
Many rumours and questions remain unanswered where had the golden coach come from? Where was it now? Would they get married in? Both Prince and Cinderella were quiet on this.
Did she have some rich benefactor who had taken her to the ball after transforming her into a princess?
Was she was the daughter of a king from one of the countries The Prince had fallen out with, and her disguise was about to be uncovered so she had to flee into the night- no one dared ask the Prince about this
Another rumour said she had a rich patron.
A story persists amongst the village folk that there was something magical she was a Fairy Queen –this fitted people felt with -the sudden appearance and disappearance of the Golden Coach and with Cinders having to leave at the chimes of midnight, midnight
Some even said she had a fairy Godmother who with a magic wand had conjured up the coach and dress from mundane kitchen items.
Others of wild imagination say that Cinderella has put the Prince under a spell
There is still so much speculation about the soon to be Queen and that fateful night of the Glass Slipper. Is the Prince Wise to rush into marriage with the beautiful stranger with so many questions still unanswered?
Is this the end of the story of the mysterious Cinderella, or just the beginning? 

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Emperor Reveals All


 by Anne Ward

With  only  a  sock  to  cover  his  Royal  Modesty
The Emperor knew not where to put his face you see
The  “X” Factor  Tailors
Failed  to  produce  a  single  suit
They  stitched  up  his  finances
Made  off  with his  cash
Leaving  the  poor  Emperor  with  nothing  to  cover his  embarrassing rash
The  moral  to  this  tale
Is  trust  whom  you  know
To  put  on  a  show
Amateur  attempts  often  fail
This  was  the  shock  report  from our  inside  source,  the  Chief  Court  Jester
While  we  see  here  in  our  latest  bulletin,  Palace  Guards arresting  the bogus  craftsmen.  They  will   be  charged  with  receiving  money  through  fraud  and  causing  a  material  affray!

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Gruffs get Tough


 by Pamela Winning

William Gruff Senior left court a free man today. His family celebrated as the judge cleared him of all charges relating to an incident on the Eastside Bridge. The judge also declared that fourteen acres of land on each side of the bridge belonged to the Gruff family by birth-right and granted them all official freedom of movement.

Although Mr Gruff had admitted wrestling with Mr Troll, of no fixed abode, and pushing him into the river, the jury found him not guilty of attempted murder, not guilty of grievous bodily harm and not guilty of common assault. It was accepted that Mr Gruff was trying to protect his family.

The jury had heard evidence from Will Gruff Junior and Little Billy Gruff.  They told how they had been threatened and bullied by Mr Troll who blocked them from crossing the bridge until they gave him money. Each time, Mr Troll demanded more. The last time, Little Billy Gruff had managed to make a recording of Mr Troll’s menacing behaviour on his mobile phone, which had been played to the court.

In summing up, the judge concluded that the Gruff family should be free to reside on their land without fear or confrontation.
At an earlier hearing, Mr Troll was remanded in custody to face trial at a later date.

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